Breaking Dawn

      Don't worry, this blog won't be all about Twilight. Eugh. SPOILERS if you've never visited the web before.
      "Breaking Dawn" is the well-known conclusion to the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. Intriguingly enough, many fans who stuck through Meyer's drab prose in the first three books dropped out after this book. Thought the Twilight books are both universally adored and loathed (almost equally) Breaking Dawn by far got the worst of the scathing reviews and comments. 
      The book is her largest, at over 700 pages, and wraps up the "adventures" of Bella and her vampire boyfriend Edward, who, until this book, have remained staunchly abstinent. Now, in this book, instead of the exhausting, blaring theme of "no sex!" it changes to "once you're married and 18 have sex but never abort!". Yes. Bella gets fertilized by the dead vampire, though Meyer has made it common knowledge that her abstaining "vampires", along with drinking animal blood and having no flaws (they sparkle in the sun) that they have no liquid in their bodies. Maybe it's a magic dust that comes out of a special wand?
      The book continues its pattern of setting feminism back 50 years, and ends with no bang whatsoever. Bella's beautiful. She has both Edward and Jacob in her life. And she has a demon child who grows up extra fast with a horrible name. It's all she's ever wanted.
      There are many flaws in the series alone, and it would take a long time to outline them. But I'll go with the main things that bugged me:


1. Every character got everything with no struggle.
      Stephenie Meyer fell into one of the popular traps of any beginning novelist - love and dote on your characters, and sprinkle them with roses. This may be nice for the author - hey, who wants to see their brain child suffer?
      We do. The readers do. It's what keeps us interested. When the main character struggles to find love and meaning in their lives and succeeds against all the things you've thrown at them, we feel victorious with them. When a main character gets rainbows tossed at them and sunshine sparkles, no one cares. It's boring. It's slightly irritating. The reader begins to let their mind wander, and eventually tosses the book aside. 
      This mistake also presents itself when, at a point not near the end of the novel, the character gets everything she wants. She has a baby. Her friend. Her husband. A family. And it's not the end. Never, ever let your character get everything they want. Always leave something out until the end. 
      Take this into mind, reader, or future writer. Kill your characters. Toss obstacle after obstacle in their way. Let them find exciting ways to climb over it. Let them win. Let them die.

Twilight - Vampire Book With No Bite

The “Twilight” series, by Stephenie Meyer, has swept the nation like swine flu, infecting our youth with its sexist, unreal view of the world, and sickening them till, in their delusional state of mind, they believe a stalker with fangs is the epitome of the perfect man.

“Twilight” chronicles the dull life of Bella Swan, a whiny main character who falls in love with a vampire who sparkles in the sun like the petroleum infused glittery gel that women spread on their bodies. The majority of the first book is spent waiting for a plot – don’t worry, it never comes. Move on to book two, where we watch Bella curl up in a ball, trying to fill a hole in her heart. This is where the real sexism comes into play. Bella is portrayed as someone who, when separated from her man, crawls into bed and cries for three or four months. Without a guy by her side, she is even weaker than she used to be with Edward, the vampire who thirsts for her blood. The third book has us still waiting for a plot, hoping that it might come along. Surprise! It doesn’t.

There’s some pull that makes us read the fourth book. It’s not the writing, for that in and of itself is horrendous and bland. Some compare Meyer to J.K. Rowling, author of the “Harry Potter” books. Stephen King speaks the opinions of the literate folks out there –apparently there are precious few—saying “The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.”

Of course, as soon as we rush to pick up “Breaking Dawn”, it’s clear we made a mistake in purchasing the obese thing that can barely be labeled a book. It’s more like a 400+ page fanfiction, written by someone with no idea what the term ‘characterization’ means. Bella is still the same whiny girl she once was, except now, she’s pregnant and annoying. It’s almost as bad as “The Secret Life of the American Teenager”! Bella also chugs down some serious blood to satiate her demon spawn. The birth scene is reminiscent of “Alien”, when the extra-terrestrial bursts from the stomach. At least in “Alien” they had the sense not to name the alien Renesmee. Like any sane adult, Bella chooses to name her demonic baby a mix of Renee, and Esme, her mother and mother in law. I wish my mother had named me a mixture of my grandmothers’ names. Gusan is a lovely name for any child, no?

The book ends with no bang, no bustle, and no happiness or tears. There’s only a blank feeling of relief that it’s finally over, though those of us who know what good writing is can appreciate the true lack of character development and conflict, and the extensive sexism that drives this series.

So, why is the series so incredibly popular? Girls everywhere want a vampire to sneak into their rooms and watch them sleep in a rocking chair, rocking back and forth, back `and forth. It’s because of the skill Meyer has of taking stereotyped themes and making them open to a different demographic. Twilight is a vampire Young Adult series for people who don’t like vampire Young Adult series’. Meyer successfully hit the giant group of people who normally don’t read these books, and sucked in some who do, as well. Mothers seem to enjoy reading Twilight as well, perhaps because they enjoy reading what their children do.

The “Twilight” series, though sexist, juvenile, and still cliché, is still inexplicably popular. Girls –and boys- follow it in a cult-like obsession, worshipping the ground that people dressed as Edward walk on. It may continue like this for a long time – but hopefully, someone else with crappy writing will come along and start a new cult. Though some may disagree with Meyer’s writing style, and her ideas, it is still undeniable that she has thrown the entire world for a loop with her books, and that is something any author should be proud to have done.

Originality - 4/10
Prose - .5/10
Fanbase - 0/10

Book, shredded.